hello! haha i realise i miss going OEI!

argh this is my first post for 2007!!! can't believe it. i feel old haha... today is promotion sunday where everyone is officially recognised as getting a year older example we're not class 4a. not we are the seventeensA lyida and i were "i feel old"-ing and the ancient ones like terence, stan, roy were like riiiite.... hmmm okkkkk... haha ok they are not that old lah but i guess whenever you feel old, you're prob still very young to others.

its the whole entering jc thing. its a very FINALLY thing but also a very oh man, now it begins. like part of you is like excited and like come on! and part is like oh man. just go back can? for some reason pri sch seems closer than sec 1 and 2. i think i've a habit of blockin out things i don't like. and also suddenly its like meeting your pri sch friends in jc again. ahhh i miss pri sch! hahaha... anyhow of all the things we heard, its like off to a very stressful 2 years ahead of us. on one side it's making me worry like mad to the extend only muggin can relieve it, but also there is this aiyah just try lah thing. i guess overall, just be extremely grateful cos there is a lot to thank God for and he has and will take care of us all if let him:)

oh orientation... haha its fun lah. honestly i din really look forward to it cos of the pple in my group i thought i knew before hand... but this few days proved me wrong. there are really wonderful pple in my group and yea, i'm not crazy over my group but what would you call it? fond? and i live in a very ignorant world. my reasoning is that if i don't bother to hear bout updates and stuff bout other people's life, then firstly i would be quite stupid and lag about their lifes but at the same time i don't get impressions of them they don't deserve because half of the things you hear are generally created and not true.

i think i really want to change that and be more involved in knowing bout others. its not about the gossip its the taking care of one another thing. like what we've learnt to take care of our fellow brothers and sisters to give a *super* of their lifes. and ya there is this person i just hated extremely for such a long time and did not even bother to listen to updates. and i still can't accept a lot of things the person did but i think still that hatred was to the extend i forgot why i felt that way in the first place. i donno what to say lah. but definitely i think i don't know enough to make a judgement. i want to know yall personally. not just gossip but really talking personally to you all if possible.

second thing i want to change is something like the first. i want to get to know others and let them get to know me. its not the socialising. its the getting over the prejudice each of us naturally have towards some people who may not be deemed as normal. ok i'm weird so i have no right to say i'm normal, but i have to admit there are people i dao VERY OBVIOUSLY. and i'm sorry. sometimes when i'm tired and groggy they are the last bunch of people i will bother about. not say they are irritating, but i've very low patience and torlerance. but i know its very very wrong to think that way about people. so take my word, i'm going to be nice. not artifically transectionally nice. but be genuninely a person to others who i might not have been treating as another person, give me that chance.

thirdly. i want to stop cursing and swearing. for real. its like huh how can, i mean i've been doing it for so long. i don't say like f but other things like shit and damn and what the blah, i've been doing it quite a lot. i mean i'm sure my older entries have a lot of damn. and during camp the speaker told us to cut it. try to cut it. everytime you say it pay 50 cents. and thank goodness for all my whacky friends from yf, everytime we say things like "that's damn hard!" they will go "you mean super" or "50 cents!" [then increase to dollar, dollar fifty, two and hopefully not etc]and we'll correct it to "yes that's super hard" i mean we never really pay for all the vulgarities we use. and some of us are so numb that we don't see any problem with it? but i do. and for the whole of my sheltered "holiday" we were so used to correcting it and stopping it that suddenly in jc all the shit and damn's start screaming at you and i guess its a shock. its not a shock that people use it, cos previously people use worse off things openly as well. but its how openly people use it like it is just another word. like using it on stage and stuff. i still do use damn, but trust me everytime i'm aware of myself using it i mean i don't shout 50 cents but i do feel uncomfortable cos i should not. so yea its a good start so far, if i keep this up, i think i can completely get it out of my vocab by the end of the year:)

fourthly, i want to walk closer with God. [why is this not my first... hmm i'm just impromptu-ing so ya not really pioritising the list] when i'm closer to God, i feel my life change, i'm just ready to step up and be a testimony for Him. and i feel safe, secure. at first it was just a matter of faith. but it was on and off and on and off kinda like a light bulb. sometimes when you need Him you have faith when you don't you turn off. sometimes you just forget to turn on and blindly move your way tru the room thinking you know where things are already, why bother turning it on: example finding my way to my bed at night. and that is when you succeed sometimes but at other times you hit something and it hurts real bad. ok cos electricity is not free this is a bad example. but God doesn't charge a fee. he is like a free 24/7 light bulb and 100 percent reliable. i like the sunshine, but i won't make it to see the sunshine if that lightbulb is not always there for me:) so ya i can go on forever but basically i want to change being ignorant and self-centred and make God the centre of my life...

alright. i can't really think of more yet. and the above resolutions were kinda accidental. haha obviously i've never planned any of my entries. but yea they really matter to me. so i'm dead serious bout them. so ya, make sure i keep in check with them kay! haha.

oh btw i don't know why i'm hooked on corrinne may! haha its like listen everyday:) the first cd.
and i'm kinda sick. as in just now come home just crashed and can't wake up. the kinda sick till you feel your head go numb when you try to wake. but i think i'm better now:) i better be anyway. sch is starting. the last thing you want is an MC at the start of the year. if you can pray for me? thank you.
alright. here's to tmr! and the year ahead!